I have a dear college friend who lives across the country, lovely person who I would even consider a sibling. We’ve been getting together twice a year since graduation. I go out there in the summer and said friend comes to visit me in the winter. I noticed that EVERY time we get together, I get sick and/ or someone accompanying me gets sick. The first year my soon to be ex injured his foot and couldn’t walk for the remainder of the trip. Next time my brother was with us and both of us got epic colds and ended up missing out on all the planned activities. My son was with us last year and got violently ill. (Why is it that I only forget to bring the Nebulizer when we go out in the middle of nowhere and the nearest medical facility is 75 miles away?)
Do you notice a pattern? It took me 5 years to notice this pattern and then I spend another 3 years being in denial about it. I blamed the illnesses on traveling, lack of sleep, bad luck, time of year, you name it. But all of that is crap. This friend is a lovely person with her own fair share of baggage and problems. This baggage literally makes me and my family ill. I love my friend, but she is happy living in the victim role and plans on staying there for the time being. It’s up to me to decide if I want to stick around and get sick or try to inspire her to work towards being a victor and no longer submerse myself into her toxic cloud every six months. For the record, I chose the latter.
There were many red flags in my marriage that I am only starting to see and admit to now. But the one that shook me to my core and finally gave me the courage to separate was that being with my husband was making me physically ill. I was sick for the entire month of April. I had some kind of vicious virus followed by a debilitating sinus infection (sinus fluid squirting out of my eyes each time I coughed, sneezed or blew my nose kind of vicious…TMI, I know). All of this on top of the fact that I was finishing out my first trimester of pregnancy. Thank God I have my own business with a co-founder and plenty of subcontractors because I was in bed with an uncontrollable fever for 2 weeks. (Fever in pregnancy is scary and dangerous!) My sweet toddler would crawl up into bed with me to snuggle and watch movies! All the while I was even more stressed out because I felt like I was neglecting my child and melting his brain with daily movies.
I was dead to the world for at least three weeks. I missed my weekly energy healing/ therapy sessions. After three weeks of hell, I reached out to my healer in frustration and she graciously offered to have a phone conversation with me on a Friday night!!! She alluded to the fact that maybe I didn’t catch a ferocious virus, maybe my bottled up feelings and toxic environment were making me ill. That is EXACTLY what it was. I continued to be ill until I put on my big girl panties and moved out in the middle of the day taking only my son, a few clothes and just my “prized” possessions.
As the divorce process continues on, I get physically ill each time my soon to be ex and I have something real and separation related to discuss. I get instant congestion, sore throat, headache, earache and couch. Even the gross eye goo comes back. My symptoms miraculously vanish once I calm down after each interaction. It’s fascinating and magical and another validation for those brief moments of weakness when I get scared of the future.