So yesterday I did the ultimate stupid thing and locked myself out of my laptop. No, I am not a complete moron. In fact, I have an above average IQ. (Yeah, yeah I know. You are thinking… “Wow someone is full of herself”.) I am going through the traumatic experience of separating from my husband. Even though I want this divorce and am happy to be separated; it’s still a traumatic life experience. Between that and the fact that my hormones are out of whack as I enter my 2nd trimester of pregnancy, I am a space cadet. Oh and did I mention that we are also entering Mercury retrograde?
Fairly recently I was not a spiritual person and not into all the “woo woo” stuff. I have since seen the light. Mercury retrograde is famous for screwing with technology and communication. I didn’t believe all of this in the past but I did start noticing that during specific times of the year, technology and communication seemed to all break down and reek all kinds of havoc. Once I became more in tune with the “woo woo” world, I noticed the correlation between Mercury retrograde and tech/ communication issues. During these three weeks, it’s best not to sign contracts, have extra patience with communication and just expect tech to go haywire. But we live in a modern world. As much as I would totally LOVE to hide out in a cave with a three week supply of my favorite whine and chocolate, a healthy baby and a thriving business are my priorities.
So how does one lock themselves out of their laptop? Well…for years I’ve been a fan of Denice Duffield Thomas and an active participant of her Lucky Bitch Money Bootcamp. Denise always talks about infusing your day to day life with positive reminders of your goals. For example, you can set your passwords to be your goals. For well over six months my laptop password has been associated with our family goal to purchase a new home this spring. At this point I’ve been separated for a week and a half and typing in this password pissed me off each and every time! Instead of buying a new home for our happy family, I am now living in my childhood home with my parents and toddler… BIGGEST HUMBLING MOMENT EVER!
After being triggered by this password for a whole week, I changed it to incorporate a new goal. I wrote the password down on a sticky note. Four hours later, after putting my son down to bed, my scribbles couldn’t get me into my laptop. ANOTHER HUMBLING MOMENT – After struggling for 45 minutes to figure out my password, I stuck my tail between my legs and begged my dad for help. My dad already thinks I am a giant winner. I heard him ask the other day how he failed as a parent that resulted in a daughter who makes such bad decisions:
- First I married a man he disapproved of
- Then I quit a corporate career to start my own business
- Then, almost 8 years later I decided to leave my husband 11 weeks into a pregnancy with our second child
- On top of all of this, I also moved in with a toddler and borrowed a bunch of money
*On a side note, I am beyond grateful that I have choices and an amazing support network of friends, family and clients who might not always agree with my decisions but love me enough to support me regardless.
Lucky for me, my dad is a highly sought after IT genius. Both my dad and brother (who is also my business partner and best friend in the whole entire world) stayed up way too late to hack into my own computer. Turns out hacking into a computer is WAY TOO EASY. Anyone can do it… the software is free. (If you are a fellow password struggler, let me know and I will send you a link to the tutorial we used to hack back into my own computer.)
We all went to bed after midnight and of course this was also the night my son woke at 1am with a nightmare. Any other pregnant women out there who don’t enjoy spending the night on your toddler’s floor?
The moral of this whole story… The advice I keep giving myself:
- Give yourself a break, you need time to heal.
- Don’t beat yourself up. I promise that you are doing the very best that you can under the circumstances that you are in!
- Stop caring what other people think (even your parents). I learned a long time ago not to judge people. You don’t know what circumstances lead to their decisions and situation. You can only judge if you end up in the exact same situation. No two situations are 100% alike. Yes, people around you are judging you. They are not as spiritually enlightened as you are and don’t even think about what they would do in your situation. You need not concern yourself with that. Besides, if someone doesn’t love you enough to support your decisions anyway, why do you care what they think?
- Work on self-love (This one is a BIGGIE! If you don’t unconditionally love yourself, how can you expect others to?)
I already said this but it is SO important! You are going through a traumatic life experience. You have to stop caring about what other people think…even your dad who keeps bailing your ass out of nasty situations. You have two options:
- You can stay in a toxic relationship you whole life and pretend that you are that perfect “Pinterest family”.
- You can take baby steps to improve your life.
Option 2 is humiliating, hard, expensive, dramatic, full of judgement… but there is hope that life will get better, opportunities to get all the life experiences you’ve been dreaming about, at the end of it all you get a FRESH START.
Option 1 guarantees that you will stay exactly where you are or even worse, keep decaying.
For me the choice was simple – life is short and you only get 1 go at it.